The gift I finally have permission to share with you

Back in the fall, when our kids asked Brian and me what we wanted for our 25th Anniversary, I said "I want every single one of you in the same room. And I'd love it to be a Once party."

A Once party is our code name for a dinner in which everyone at the table brings some form of art to share with everyone else.  It can be original, performed, made, found, or a shared favorite.  The idea comes from one of my favorite scenes in one of my favorite movies of all time, and we first experimented with the idea for my 38th birthday party years ago.

Our kids blew us away.  Andrew wrote and performed jokes in his ingenious stand-up comic way (and what better time to tell jokes then one's Silver Anniversary?), Amber & Elayna painted a sweet canvas, Rebekah read (and gave us) a beautifully-framed prayer for marriage from Tertullian, Alex and Natalie played and sang a gorgeous version of Forever Young (this gorgeous version) and Kendra wrote and performed an original song for us. 

I wish I could have brought you all into the room with us for a few minutes, but maybe I'm a bit biased at the beauty of these "four(+) wild hearts" we've been charged with and now send out into the world.  Like every musician I know, Kendra was hesitant for us to share her song publicly.  I think we all understand that phone video work is not the most conducive quality to translate beautiful music.  I think it's worth the risk, and you'll find this beautiful anyway. 

Here's Kendra's song for a gorgeous taste of the entire celebration.

The song Kendra wrote and sang for her parents as a gift on their 25th Wedding Anniversary - 11/2015 from Tamara Hill Murphy on Vimeo.

If no other record of our lives is preserved, this one would tell the world everything I'd like them to know.  It would tell God our Father how very grateful we are for the finished work of His Son and the energizing life of His Holy Spirit.  May the gift move outward from us into this beautiful, broken world through our children's children's children.

Amen.

{pretty, happy, funny, real} in a season of abundant celebrations, part 1

| a weekly capturing of contentment in everyday life | 

| pretty, happy, funny & real in words|

The past two weeks were full to overflowing with people to see and things to celebrate. There were the big moments: Brian's ordination and Natalie's confirmation, our 25th wedding anniversary.  There were also many small moments of little, unspoken dreams realized.  I told my daughters last weekend: "At times like this, I feel like God has seen me."  And, of course, God always sees me so I don't mean that word, exactly.  More like, He's heard my spoken and unspoken heart desires -- ones I didn't even know to express -- and tapped me on the shoulder with sweet gifts.  

Mixed into the peaceful moments and celebration moments, we grieved with the rest of the world new acts of terror.  I do not know why, but the specific issue of the Syrian refugee crisis has consumed my attention ever since our governor wrote a letter a couple weeks ago, demanding that President Obama halt the acceptance of any new Syrian refugees.  It's not a new concern for me, but the combination of what seemed a cold-hearted response with a lot of anti-Muslim and anti-refugee rhetoric used by self-identified Christians just about laid me flat.  

I'm grateful to find my writing voice to articulate a tiny portion of what I was thinking and feeling.  Throughout the weeks, I've teetered near and over the line, occasionally, of charity as I've interacted with my online community.  For that I am truly sorry and I humbly repent, and ask your forgiveness.  

I missed posting on Christ the King Sunday, which is one of my absolute favorite days on the liturgical calendar.  You can see what I've posted in the past here: Meditations for Christ the King Sunday. May I also recommend a sermon Brian preached on that day last year:  Embracing the Authority of Christ the King

I probably remembered somewhat unconsciously the prayers for Christ the King Sunday (for isn't that part of the deep magic of a formative liturgy?), but after a week of angst and anger and a sense of desperation that my friends who identify as in allegiance to Christ as King, I found myself rescued by the Scripture and prayers and songs of bowing to the authority of One who is for all peoples.  

Before photos, let me share a few bits of the Christ the King liturgy.

[from Daniel 7:9-10, 13-14]

"...behold, with the clouds of heaven there came one like a son of man, and he came to the Ancient of Days and was presented before him. And to him was given dominion and glory and a kingdom, that all peoples, nations, and languages should serve him; his dominion is an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his kingdom one that shall not be destroyed."

[from Psalm 93]

"The LORD is King; he has put on splendid apparel;...He has made the whole world so sure that it cannot be moved; Ever since the world began, your throne has been established; you are from everlasting."

[from Revelation 1:4b-8]

"To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood and made us a kingdom, priests to his God and Father, to him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen Behold, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him, even those who pierced him, and all tribes of the earth will wait on account of him. Even so. Amen. 'I am the Alpha and the Omega,' says the Lord God, 'who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.' "

[from John 18:33-37]

"Then Pilate said to him, 'So you are a king?' Jesus answered, 'You say that I am a king. For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world - to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who of the truth listens to my voice.' "

[the Collect for Christ the King Sunday]

Almighty and everlasting God, whose will it is to restore all things in your well-beloved Son, the King of kings and Lord of lords: Mercifully grant that the peoples of the earth, divided and enslaved by sin, may be freed and brought together under his most gracious rule; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

A few photos to practice contentment the past 2 weeks

| pretty, happy, funny & real in pictures|

 

 

(most of these photos were taken by my co-workers!)

VoLINteers at Community First! Village

It was kind of a dream come true to spend a morning volunteering with a couple dozen of my co-workers at this innovative and contagiously hopeful 27-acre master planned community to give the Austin's chronically homeless a place to call home.  I really can't describe the ingenious creative spirit infusing each component of the newly-built neighborhood: the garden, the fish pond, the micro-houses, the soap making and blacksmithing and olive tree orchard and more.  The work we did together was pretty minimal compared to the amount of time and energy already lavishly spent for this place.  Anyway, go to the website to learn more.  Hopefully this sort of work will spring up all over the country.  I'm just really glad for the chance to work with my office mates for such a worthy cause. 

| Ordination |

 

In some ways you could say that Brian's been looking forward to this day his whole life, only he didn't know it until about the last five years.  Either way, I don't remember being more happy with or for my husband than we felt during the service of his ordination into the Transitional Diaconate of the Anglican Church (transitioning for the next six months until his ordination into the Priesthood). There's so much more to say about this service and what it means for us.  Hopefully I'll do that soon, but in the meantime, here's a few of the prayers and words from the liturgy:

[The Bishop addresses the ordinands as follows]

My brothers and sisters, every Christian is called to follow Jesus Christ, serving God the Father, through the power of the Holy Spirit. God now calls you to a special ministry of servanthood directly under your bishop. In the name of Jesus Christ, you are to serve all people, particularly the poor, the weak, the sick, and the lonely. 

As deacons in the Church, you are to study the Holy Scriptures, to seek nourishment from them, and to model your life upon them. You are to make Christ and his redemptive love known, by your word and example, to those among whom you live, and work, and worship. You are to interpret to the Church the needs, concerns, and hopes of the world. You are to assist the bishop and priests in public worship and in the ministration of God's Word and Sacraments, and you are to carry out other duties assigned to you from time to time. At all times your life and teaching are to show Christ's people that in serving the helpless, they are serving Christ himself. 

I can not think of a better hymn to close the service: 

Lord, Whose Love Through Humble Service 

w: Albert F. Bayly, 1901
m: Nettleton, 1813 (tune of "Come, Thou Fount")

Lord, whose love through humble service bore the weight of human need
Who upon the cross, forsaken, offered mercy's perfect deed 
we, Your servants, bring the worship not of voice alone, 
but heart consecrating to Your purpose every gift that you impart

Still Your children wander homeless, still the hungry cry for bread
Still the captives long for freedom, still in grief we mourn our dead
As O Lord, Your deep compassion, healed the sick and freed the soul 
by Your Spirit send Your power to our world to make it whole.

As we worship, grant us vision, till Your love's revealing light 
in its height and depth and greatness dawns upon our quickened sight
making known the needs and burdens, Your compassion bids us bear 
sitting us to ardent service, Your abundant life to share

Called by worship to Your service, forth in your dear name we go
to the child, the youth, the aged, love in living deeds to show
hope and health, good will and comfort, counsel, aid, and peace we give 
that Your servants, Lord, in freedom may Your mercy know and live.

| Confirmation |

 
 
 

 

Natalie's Confirmation

What a joy to celebrate Brian's ordination and Natalie's confirmation in the same weekend.  A few years ago, when Brian, Kendra and I were confirmed, I wrote this post: Becoming Anglican.  Natalie was blessed to be part of the first Catachesis class at Christ Church (led beautifully by the dear Sarah Smith).  What a gift to have our community join us in training Natalie in the truths of Scripture and the traditions of the Church. 

[The Prayer for Confirmation]

Defend, O Lord, this your servant Natalie with your heavenly grace, that she may continue yours for ever, and daily increase in your Holy Spirit more and more until she comes into the fullness of your everlasting kingdom. Amen. 

Strengthen, O Lord, your servant Natalie with your Holy Spirit; empower her for your service; and sustain her all the days of her life. Amen. 

Confirmation from Tamara Hill Murphy on Vimeo.

| 25th Wedding Anniversary |

Anniversary Celebration

We're still celebrating this, actually, as our kids are throwing us a little party on Saturday.  In the meantime, here's a couple photos from the day.  We spent a lovely get away in Fredricksburg, TX.  A sweet woman gave us a wine gift card for Brian's graduation in May.  We saved it for just the right time, to purchase a better wine than we've ever been able to purchase. Guess what? Good wine is even better than cheap wine!  We also tracked down some red velvet cakes to make up for missing out the deliciousness served at our actual wedding 25 years ago.

And I've wanted to write something profound here on the blog about being married and staying married.  Hopefully, I still will.  In the meantime -- all disclaimers aside about real reasons for not staying married - might I just say the best advice I can give you is to just keep going?  Learn well, seek healing, give forgiveness, be in community, let the Gospel save you, yes.  All of those things, but really just stay together.  You'll be so glad you did.  

I'm realizing that there are some simply good things I never could have learned any other way than just staying married day in and day out for a long time.  Not profound, not usually easy, but so worth it.  I imagine I'll be saying the same thing after another 25 years.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving feasts today, friends.  We have even more celebrating ahead - Thanksgiving, a wedding shower, more anniversary feasting, Alex's birthday and the beginning of Advent -- all before Monday!  More pics and stories to come.

May you know well today every good and perfect gift that comes down from the Father of lights.  Peace, friends.

Have YOU captured any contentment this week? 

 I'd love to hear about it!

| Join in at P,H,F,R to see other wonderful people practicing contentment. |

Anyone want to read stories about staying married? (I'm asking for a friend....)

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately.  Not for the fervent headline reasons you might expect, either.  More because we're approaching a big anniversary (25 is still silver, right?) and our son is getting married in less than 4 months.  These sorts of events make you take stock of your experiences and beliefs on a subject.  

And I've toyed with throwing caution to the wind and writing a blog series on marriage.  Sort of like the parenting one I undertook a couple years back.  I feel more trepidation to broach this subject of love and intimacy and sex and procreation and covenant and sacrament.  Maybe that's wise.  I don't know.

I cooled to the idea.  Probably these weeks of fighting with Brian made me rethink my ability to contribute anything meaningful to the already saturated newsfeeds of my friends and family.

Then -- today, actually -- I read a book about a husband and wife who loved Jesus and loved each other and discovered that wasn't enough.  They're still married.  Admirably so, considering what they've been through.  It was a good story.  An important story.  But it left me a bit cold.  I closed the book, paced the house, collapsed on my bed to think for a bit.  What was troubling me?  I walked to the IGA Mini-max and bought some broccoli for my supper. I walked home.  I ate the broccoli and a tuna-noodle concoction, flipped through a few channels on the TV, paced the house again.

Finally, when Brian returned home from a youth group event, I talked at him for a bit.  "I read this book today...." I told him "It was a fine book.  Good people.  Hard story.  True love.  But I just feel sort of 'meh' about it."

Why?  

"Maybe," I said. "Maybe it bothers me that the author doesn't ever use the word 'sin'?  She used some synonym-type words like 'wrong choices'. 'Lust', even. But she never says sin."  I left the room sort of mid-sentence, feeling a bit badly that my biggest critique of this woman's courageous life story is that she didn't use old-fashioned Bible language.

I brushed my teeth, poured the requisite glass of water for my  nightstand, pulled my pajamas out of the top middle drawer of the dresser we've owned for approximately 15 of our 25 years sharing a bedroom.  My pajamas always go in that drawer. Everyone knows the top middle drawer of a bureau is prime real estate.  True to form this past quarter century of living together, Brian kindly places his clothing in the hardest-to-reach locations so that I can retrieve my clothing with ease.

I walked back toward the living room where he -- bless him -- was trying to watch some college football.  "You know what else she didn't say?"  I pop my head into the room.  "She doesn't use the word 'forgiveness'."

The couple in the book are worthy of respect for their commitment to each other.  Never once in the middle of all sorts of upheaval do they consider leaving each other.  At least not that the reader is told.  I say this to Brian.  "Clearly they love each other well.  They come together and work out the problems, but she never talks about forgiveness.  Without sin, I guess there's no need for forgiveness."

I walk back to our bedroom.  I feel relieved, like I've solved a considerable puzzle and can now sleep in peace.  No sin, no forgiveness needed, just a sort of egalitarian tolerance of each other's foibles and screw ups.  Each making right with God and each other in their own way.  

 Maybe those words got edited out of the book and I'm reading this story of marriage all wrong.  I think that must be it because I can't imagine a love story without either of those elements -- sin and forgiveness.  Can you?

It's tricky to tell the story of a marriage when the most good and the most evil things that take place between a husband and wife become the most sacred of all moments between them.  I am not convinced Brian and I need to put those moments in black and white, else we profane these treasures we've been storing up.  

Still, I think what the world needs now is love -- sweet love. And not schmaltzy, song-lyric love.  Not all-caps, hashtag love. Not reality TV show love. Not even Hallmark or Christian movie love.  I think we need each other's stories.  How can we better encourage each other to persevere in love -- married or otherwise -- than with our own hard-won, grace-given stories?

I still think the best place to hear these stories is face to face, sitting in a room together.  I think stories are best shared with people we know and can see up close for lots of days and years, in all sorts of situations.  

So I shelved the idea for a blog series.  Then I read that book today and can barely fall asleep because of the omission of those two cornerstone words, "sin" and "forgiveness".  I got thinking that maybe a few more stories in print might not be a bad idea, after all. 

What do you think?  I mean -- hypothetically speaking --  If you were to read some stories about married love on a blog, what sort of stories would you hope to hear?  Would you even want stories? (Maybe you'd prefer a list of tips and techniques?  Lord help us...) 

I'll wait to hear back from you.  In the meantime, I'll turn off the light on my nightstand and pray for good Love for us all.

{pretty, happy, funny, real} daily bread

| a weekly capturing the contentment in everyday life |

I'm still not sleeping well, but Brian and I aren't fighting much at all any more.  We even like each other again and think we might make it to our 25th anniversary in November. Even though we don't know much of our future yet, there is a hope that it will be together.  As the Seder song teaches us to pray: "it would be enough". 

I am intending before the Father, Son and Spirit, before my tribe, and before you, dear reader, to take each glimpse of what and who and where our future becomes as a morsel of manna.  To receive it as enough, resist the urge to hoard up piles of glimpses and plans that will surely spoil just as that sweet bread did in the wilderness.  I will receive the daily provision of the Father as enough.  And trust that tomorrow there will be enough again. Because our Father is good and does not give his children stones when they ask for bread.  He gives enough in the right time.   

So we are not feasting on dreams and plans here, but we are fed with hope and little glimmers of ideas and sweet encouragement from God's people. 

I walked through a few puddles around the neighborhood today after last night's rain (blessed, blessed returning rain!) and it struck me as I pondered manna and long-awaited rainfall that this is probably the essence of Ordinary Time. We are fed with our daily bread. It's one of the first great lessons we learned and newlyweds, and it's been our theme for almost 25 years, thanks be to God.

It is good and it is enough.

Here's a few snapshots of contentment the past week.

| pretty |

gift eggs

Brian brought this goodness home from work on Tuesday.  A sweet woman dropped them off during Ladies' Bible Study.  Almost too pretty for breakfast -- but not quite.

| happy |

a few happy gifts during a disappointing week

While we get our bearings in the middle of some uncertainty, I'm so grateful for sweet gifts.  
1.  Friday night candle-lit Scrabble, antipasto and wine
2.  Saturday morning coffee on the patio at Thunderbird Cafe
3.  Reading nursery rhymes to my niece and nephew on Google hangout.  It was basically an excuse to look at Richard Scarry illustrations.

| funny |

office pranks

So I have this mug I purchased at Goodwill.  It sits on my desk and makes me happy with it's sunshiny yellow.  I was gone for a bit and came back to the scene of a coffee mug hostage crisis thanks to a couple of rather clever pranksters.  Honestly, I might have sat at my desk for a whole week or more without ever realizing that thing was actually hanging over my head. Well played, friends.  Well played.

| real|

Texas unfiltered

This is kind of funny, too.  On Saturday, with a whole day free, I got it in my head that we should drive to San Marcos to the mega, gigantic, infamous retail outlet complex I'd heard so much about.  Now, it's taken me four years to even consider this sort of endeavour, but on a recent trip through the Austin airport some kind soul welcomed us back home by stealing our extra-large, crammed-full-of-most-of-our-worldly-possesions suitcase.  We're not exactly closet wealthy, so a week's trip means the majority of our good clothing and personal items were in that suitcase.  Anyway, long story short, outlet shopping seemed a proper way to see the sights and replenish our wardrobes.  Long story shorter:  we drove in bumper-to-bumper traffic on I-35 for close to an hour in 100+-degree heat with the sputtering air conditioning in our secondary vehicle (since our daughter had our better vehicle on a road trip to visit her sister).  We crawled inch by inch through the chaotic parking lot of the outlet arcade finding no parking, no shade and, unbelievably unhappy people.  Well, we did the only natural thing to do in that sort of situation and headed right back out the exit to the nearest country route we could find.  We ended up discovering an off-off road thrift sale in a 75-year-old deaf man's yard.  His name was Ernie, and he told us he felt it was time to start letting go of his life-long habit of collecting old things.  We stood and sweated in his yard and his garage, looking through his things.  Then I took this picture, and we ran back to our air conditioning and sped on down the road.  This, my friends, is my kind of shopping day.  I'll have to figure out another way to clothe ourselves.  

Have you captured any contentment this week? 

 I'd love to hear about it!

| Join in at P,H,F,R to see other wonderful people practicing contentment. |