{pretty, happy, funny, real}: finding contentment during sleeplessness

| a weekly capturing the contentment in everyday life |

I haven't been sleeping well lately.  It's pretty typical this time of year when all of my kids are flung hither and yon, getting situated into new places for the fall.  Ticking one more year off the calendar of parenthood unsettles me, interrupts my sleep, makes me restless, sad, and, often, anxious. And it's our baby's last year of high school.  My last year to send a child to high school.  And our son is getting married in less than 5 months.  All joyful things, but seriously messing with my mama mojo.

There are other things going on, too.  As Brian nears ordination, we're ready to think about what's next, maybe even where's next. This is definitely unsettling in a way that's hard to put into words.  Literally.  Every time Brian and I try to have a heart-to-heart conversation about planning our future we end up sputtering half-finished sentences, unable to conclude anything.  I end up near tears, and then we can't speak again for hours.  The question feels impossible to answer. So, yes, I'm losing a bit of sleep these days.

My daughter brought us gifts from her summer in NY, books that seem to match us each perfectly (thank you Broome County Public Library book sale!).  For me, she chose Garrison Keillor's selection of Good Poems for Hard Times.  Last night, awake around 4am, I read this unseasonal, but completely recognizable lament from a favorite poet:
Ice Storm
Jane Kenyon

For the hemlocks and broad-leafed evergreens
a beautiful and precarious state of being. . . .
Here in the suburbs of New Haven
nature, unrestrained, lops the weaker limbs
of shrubs and trees with a sense of aesthetics
that is practical and sinister. . . .

I am the guest in this house.
On the bedside table Good Housekeeping, and
A Nietzsche Reader. . . . The others are still asleep.
The most painful longing comes over me.
A longing not of the body. . . .

It could be for beauty-
I mean what Keats was panting after,
for which I love and honor him;
it could be for the promises of God,
or for oblivion, nada; or some condition even more
extreme, which I intuit, but can't quite name.

I lose sleep unable to name what's next, and who I will be next.  What's my role in our future?  We'll celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this fall, Brian's ordination to the priesthood, our son's marriage & college graduation, our youngest child's high school graduation -- just to name a few milestones ahead of us in the coming months. I am deeply longing for something I can't quite name.  

While I lose sleep at night, I feebly practice contentment each day. Here's a few snapshots of the past couple of weeks.

| pretty |

estate sale goodness

Can you believe my luck?  I could have purchased several more! I figure if I'm going to paw through some dearly passed lady's stuff, the least I can do is rescue (and read!) her books.   

| happy |

boys' lunch

a day on South Congress with Elayna

Sabbath dinner with our godson Emmett (and his sweet sister, Lucy!)

a trip to NYC with his girls

Brian and his kids this summer

I gathered a few snapshots from a some of the moments Brian got to spend with "his kids" this summer. He is so good at giving them his time and care.  I love this about him.

| funny |

new talent at open mic

Andrew hosts a weekly open mic in Austin.  He had a request for a time slot from one of Austin's newest comics.  Of course we couldn't miss her set!  You can watch it, too, at this link.  (spoiler alert:  She kills it!)

| real(ly?!?)|

our 4th anniversary in Austin

It's hard to believe, but it's true.  August 11th marked our arrival to Austin four years ago.  Here's a reflection I wrote on our one -year anniversary and one I wrote on our two-year anniversary.  Also, I never get tired of reading the posts the whole family pitched in to write back in 2011, during our week trip from upstate NY to our new home: Murphys Take Austin (Tamara-Day 1, Days 2&3,  Days 3&4, Andrew-Saying Goodbye, Brian-Day 5, Kendra-Day 6, Alex-Day 7, Natalie-Settling In onday morning thoughts: dancing bear act, crash helmets and a Doxology

Have you captured any contentment this week? 

 I'd love to hear about it!

| Join in at P,H,F,R to see other wonderful people practicing contentment. |

{pretty, funny, happy, real} - update on last week's 7 quick family takes

| a weekly capturing the contentment in everyday life |

| pretty |

A few photo updates on the 7 quick family takes I posted last week.  

Kendra and Rebekah at the Phil Lamb Spring Formal.  Alex got there from D.C. just in time to look super handsome next to these stunning women.

| happy |

BRIAN FINISHED SEMINARY!!  His final final was Monday.  His ceremony is next Wednesday.  I saved this bottle of champagne that we didn't open on Easter Sunday for the first evening he didn't have to do any studying.  We also listened to the Yankees on the radio and Brian watched an NBA final on mute.  It was raining in Austin, the yard is still green.  A tiny little version of Heaven for the two of us.

| funny |

Andrew had an amazing set in the Funniest Person In Austin semi-finals.  Unfortunately, so did most of line up for that night so he didn't make it through to finals.  We consoled ourselves with a quick and sort-of-ridiculous photo booth session.

| real |

May 2014

May 5th marked one year since Natalie was hit by a car in the school parking lot.  She remembered some of the anxious and faith-building moments during her recovery in this post at her blog:  Flowers and Birds .

| Join in at P,H,F,R to see what others have to say. |

7 quick family update takes

I'm not sure I've mentioned yet that I've moved back to working part time after a season of full time.  If you're keeping track of that sort of thing here, I wanted you to know.  You might also have inferred it from the drastic uptick in published posts.  You should also know that I am so grateful for this change I can barely stand it.  

Here's 6 quick updates on what the rest of the family is up to and 1 quick take of other good things I've been reading online lately:

--- 1 ---

Our son Alexander asked the beautiful Rebekah to marry him!  I'm working on a whole post about this to share soon.  In the meantime, we are celebrating. 

We can't believe how lucky we are (in the holiest sense of that word) to not only be parents to our 4 kids, but now get to welcome those they love into our family too. Mazel Tov and L'chaim!

Alex is on his way back to Austin after a semester in Washington D.C.  where he had some amazing experiences working with and for the sort of people that require me to not share any of those things with you on this blog.  Clearly, they have no idea what it's like to be a Mother.  

--- 2 ---

Andrew's competing for Funniest Person in Austin again. This is his third year of sticking his neck out with epic courage to see what judges from Comedy Central, the Jimmy Fallon show and the rest of Austin's comic community.  He's made it to semi-finals and we'll watch him on Monday night to see if he gets voted to finals.  GAH - I'm so nervous for him!  

Here's a post Andrew wrote way back in his rookie year:  8 lessons from 9 months doing stand up in Austin, TX

--- 3 ---

A week ago today I was visiting Kendra at her dorm in Denton.  I wrote about the visit for this weeks p,h,f,r post.  It was one of those posts that started out as an excuse to show you all photos of my beautiful daughter and then turned into a reflection on parenting.  I gotta admit, I was a little bit nervous Kendra would not approve.  Instead, I got this text:

Phew!  

Kendra served as the Philanthropy Chair for Simga Phi Lambda this semester. One of their projects was to raise money for World Vision through 30-Hour Famine.  Kendra explains both the project and the Puppy-Kissing Booth (!) fundraiser in this video.

Can't believe she's finishing her freshman year this week and will be headed home for the summer next weekend!  She's got a nanny job in Austin, a trip to her beloved Potter's House in Guatemala and bridesmaiding at a couple weddings this summer.  Should be a good one!  

Any tips from you Moms of older people on living together under one roof in peace and harmony again?  Both Alex and Kendra will be living with us this summer.  Natalie won't be here (which is good because we'll need her bedroom) because...

--- 4 ---

Natalie's off to New York!  She's taken a job as camp lifeguard at Mapleridge Ranch (formerly, El Rancho de Paz) and is counting down the days.

The first thing you see upon entering Natalie's room -- a camp poster.

In the meantime she is finishing her Junior year of high school.  My brain can not quite compute this fact.  While I was walking with a friend this week she actually reminded me of the fact "In a few weeks, Natalie will officially be a senior?!?"  I looked at kind of stunned.  "YES, you're RIGHT!"  And then my brain shut down.  

One of the recent articles Natalie wrote for 

The Shield (McCallum's award-winning school paper).  

Natalie is an assistant editor.

Assistant Editor mug shot

--- 5 ---

Brian is in one of the busiest seasons of his life right now, closely rivalling the days he was working, going to school full time, coaching basketball and we were having babies.  Recently, as part of a normal, healthy conversation with some marriage mentors, we were encouraged to find ways to comfort each other during the stress of this season (rather than just politely acknowledge each other's busy, stressed existence).  This morning, as he told me about the work he needs to get done between now and Monday night (including his last seminary final ever!) I told him I'd probably divorce him if he ever got this busy again.

Shortly thereafter, it occurred to me that probably wasn't the sort of comfort our counsellors had in mind.

Don't take me seriously.  We're married for better or worse until death parts us.  We both know when I say "I'll divorce you" it's a sort of code word for us that things will be very, very unhappy and worthy of serious boundary setting and some tense conversations between us.  It's not a joke, but it's not literal either.  Just thought you should know.

In the meantime, I AM so very proud of this man.  He turned in his last paper yesterday, takes his last final on Monday.  I've been saving a bottle of champagne in the fridge for us to celebrate.  Or we'll just toast him at Andrew's FPIA show on Monday night.  

Either way, we're really looking forward to Tuesday. (here's a picture of us holding a wedding photo to prove that we do, in fact, still love each other.)

--- 6 ---

And it's a good thing we're still together because, in addition for our four children and the beautiful people they love, Brian and I are new Godparents! 

Until a few years ago, I wouldn't have considered this a possibility for us as Protestants.  I love learning the rich tradition of welcoming a little one into the arms of the Church and committing ourselves to his instruction and care as one loving tribe.  Now, Brian and I are asked to walk with Emmett in particular -- as godparents.  I really am not sure what this will look like over the years but gave my loving vow:  

Celebrant  

Will you be responsible for seeing that the child you present is brought up in the Christian faith and life? 

Parents and Godparents 

I will, with God's help. 

Celebrant  

Will you by your prayers and witness help this child to grow into the full stature of Christ? 

Parents and Godparents 

I will, with God's help. 

Emmett's Daddy is a priest, thus the man with the robe holding him as he is presented.

Father Cliff marks the sign of the cross on Emmett's baptized forehead. 

We have been lucky enough to know Emmett from the very, very beginning.  Here's a little collage from the day he was born and his older sister Lucy (Kendra's goddaughter) played at our house.  Kendra was crocheting a blanket, Brian and Lucy bonding over books and toys and we watched Wall-E 59 times (per Lucy's request) before getting to see the little man in person.  What joy to be part of this beautiful family's tribe!

Brian and I aren't really sure really how to be a godparents.  I feel that I should definitely be in ownership of a magic wand and Brian feels that the boy should forever refer to him as "The Godfather".  (we seriously almost gave Emmett a canoli at his party)  Clearly, our understanding has been more shaped by pop culture than church history so the first order of business is to get studying.  And also, Pray for this sweet child to grow up to embrace Jesus, His Church and this needy world.

--- 7 ---

While I'm catching up here on my quick takes post (maybe I'll get to Easter Sunday next week?!?)  please join me in my weekly Eastertide blog series:  Easter Daybook (on Sundays) and Practice Resurrection Photo Stories on Mondays.  Join me as I keep looking for the Risen Christ every place I find myself. I'd love to hear how you are practicing resurrection during Eastertide.  

Check out the #practiceresurrection2015 series and send us a photo story or two in these coming weeks, won't you?

Here's some other good words online this week:

• Sometimes, my heart cannot hold it all by Katie Fox:  A beautiful reminder of the way our kids need us to see them. "I see you, my sweet girl. I see every bit of progress that you make, every bit of ground that you lose. I see your struggle and your frustration, and I see your joyful spirit that captivates everyone you meet. I see when you get tired, and when you persevere. I see all of you, and there is so much love, it bursts forth from your smile and your laughter and comes and fills me up inside. And sometimes, it overflows there, too, and my love is a river bounding over its banks after a hard rain. Sometimes, my heart cannot hold it all."

• We are back in business at Christ Church Garden:  We're so excited to not only have a permanent home for our church, but also a permanent home for the garden!  Matt Evans, our gardener and humorist extraordinaire tells the story like only he can.  "And he [a new neighbor] shook his head in obvious frustration at our ignorance and walked off before we could tell him why we want the homeless, the hungry, the hipsters to have free tomatoes as a gift from us. OK, maybe not the hipsters. We love them too, but they can grow their own tomatoes."

• Jimmy Fallon's Favorite #MomQuotes Tweet Prove That Mom Is The Greatest:   Have you seen this?  I promise you my kids could write so many that their #MomQuotes tweets would go viral or become trending or whatever it is the kids say these days. (see what I did right there?)

.....

Hoping for a good and content weekend for us all, friends.

Peace....

*Linking up with other 7 Quick Takers.*

7 quick takes from this week + other good stuff I found online

--- 1 ---

So my son Alex sent us an email with the subject "Recognize anyone you know?" and attached a screenshot from the the new movie trailer for Men, Women and Children (Jason Reitman, Ansel Elgort, Adam Sandler, Jennifer Garner).

Ummm, yes?!?  That'd be my son.  Although when you watch the actual trailer this scene just flashes by and you probably wouldn't even notice.  Alex and his girlfriend Rebekah both worked as extras on the set.  Alex has some pretty funny stories about shooting the scene that landed in the trailer, but you'll have to ask him if you want to know more.  Also, this isn't Rebekah's first gig.  Remember Parkland?

(fyi:  this movie looks thought-provoking but we really don't know much about it)

--- 2 ---

Keeping a kingdom perspective on home-cooked meals 

I had the privilege of writing again at Think Christian this week.  Somehow I've ended up with the "food beat" over there.  Like I've said before, that might be a bit like Donald Trump getting the knitting beat, but oh well.  It's been a joy and pushing me beyond my preconceptions that food is only about being good at cooking and baking and stuff.  Food speaks to our most common needs and desires, it speaks of haves and have nots, it speaks of creating and cultivating and community.  It's a truly beautiful subject. I wrote this week's article in response to a Slate article on the romanticizing of home-cooked meals.

--- 3 ---

This girl is doing just fine.  College seems to suit her well -- not that I'm surprised by that at all.  When I told this to a friend she said, "I'm  not surprised, either.  Kendra's an old soul."  Right then I realized that many of the frustrations that go along with being an old soul in highschool turn out to be benefits after high school.  

She's joined Sigma Phi Lambda ("Sisters for the Lord") and making beautiful friends.  We're pretty sure she's studying, too.  We are grateful.

--- 4 ---

We wondered what it would feel like for Kendra and Natalie to live apart since they really are very close friends.  Turns out they're doing just fine.  Sign of a good friendship.  Natalie got her license a couple weeks back.  She said she's been waiting for this day for 16 1/2 years (she turns 17 in December).  The experience of passing her road test fraught with tension, but she did it!  Turns out to be great fodder for writing for her school paper. 

Five things I learned from failing my first road test at The Shield online

--- 5 ---

Last, but certainly not least, Andrew-- this guy's coming soon to a Fun, Fun, Fun Fest stage near you.  (well, at least if you live in Austin)

Not sure the schedule yet, but I'll keep you posted.  I'm personally hoping he gets slated somewhere between Fat White Family and Gorilla Biscuits.  Just because that would be so fun to say.  

--- 6 ---

Other good links online this week:

Life in the Kolache Belt: Reflections from the Intersection of Food, Faith, Farming, and Fracking at Front Porch Republic:  Just a lovely essay about a place.  I especially appreciate John Murdock's words since now live in the "kolache belt". 

First Listen: Lucinda Williams, 'Down Where the Spirit Meets the Bone' at NPR:  I really enjoyed listening!

Eight reasons people don't get involved at The Guardian: "A few years ago, I became very worried about the planet and decided to Do Something. But what? I found some experts, and asked them. One was Dr David Fleming, who had invented a clever mechanism to incentivise individuals – and entire nations – to save energy. What, in his opinion, was the most important thing anybody could do to tackle the twin threats of climate change and resource shortages?

“Join the local choir,” he said."

--- 7 ---

What a great week in baseball history.  Brian and I renewed our appreciation for the NY Yankees in 1995 when we were too broke for cable or a television, for that matter. I was pregnant with our third baby and we'd spend our summer and fall evenings listening to the games on the radio hearing descriptions of this rookie player Derek Jeter. We've been listening (and now watching ever since). It's been a really fun ride and this guy is a classic.

And I know I was feeling a bit sentimental when I watched this live, but as I've watched the highlights again I can't help thinking about what it will be like when I enter eternity and get to see the "cloud of witnesses cheering us on".  Somehow the line up of great Yankees who'd retired before him, who stood on the sideline watching Jeter's final play, well somehow they reminded me of that moment that will surely come to us someday.  I doubt we'll be in pinstripes, but you never know!

Hoping for a good week for us all, friends.
Peace....

 (For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!)