Important: This site has moved to a new address!

As I've mentioned already, we're on the verge of major life changes  - again.  In the constancy of change, this blog has been a happy place for me to store words and share them with others.  I will hold onto this little space as a place that is familiar, and, hopefully welcoming to you, too.  

But, even here, there's been some big changes.  I decided ten years was long enough time to warrant a bit of a facelift.  I've moved and expanded the blog to it's own happy website at tamarahillmurphy.com.  Will you join me over there?  

Instructions for subscribing to the new website:

Email subscription: I've done my best to integrate current email subscriptions into the new site.  If you've already received a post from the new site into your inbox, then you know the integration worked.  If you haven't, please sign up again in the sidebar at tamarahillmurphy.com .  

RSS feeds for Feedly and other web-based feed readers: Unfortunately, I can't transfer the RSS feed from this site (This Sacramental Life) to the new site.  

Fortunately, you can make that change easily in three steps:

1.  go to my new website at tamarahillmurphy.com

2. click on the RSS feed button at the top of the sidebar (or just use the link I've included here)

3. On the feedburner page, click "follow" on your preferred web-based reader listed in the upper right hand corner.  

Please let me know if you have any questions!

Happy anniversary, little incubator of words.  Thank you, friends, for your encouragement and intelligence and grace over the years.  Here's to ten more.

{pretty, happy, funny, real}: finding contentment during sleeplessness

| a weekly capturing the contentment in everyday life |

I haven't been sleeping well lately.  It's pretty typical this time of year when all of my kids are flung hither and yon, getting situated into new places for the fall.  Ticking one more year off the calendar of parenthood unsettles me, interrupts my sleep, makes me restless, sad, and, often, anxious. And it's our baby's last year of high school.  My last year to send a child to high school.  And our son is getting married in less than 5 months.  All joyful things, but seriously messing with my mama mojo.

There are other things going on, too.  As Brian nears ordination, we're ready to think about what's next, maybe even where's next. This is definitely unsettling in a way that's hard to put into words.  Literally.  Every time Brian and I try to have a heart-to-heart conversation about planning our future we end up sputtering half-finished sentences, unable to conclude anything.  I end up near tears, and then we can't speak again for hours.  The question feels impossible to answer. So, yes, I'm losing a bit of sleep these days.

My daughter brought us gifts from her summer in NY, books that seem to match us each perfectly (thank you Broome County Public Library book sale!).  For me, she chose Garrison Keillor's selection of Good Poems for Hard Times.  Last night, awake around 4am, I read this unseasonal, but completely recognizable lament from a favorite poet:
Ice Storm
Jane Kenyon

For the hemlocks and broad-leafed evergreens
a beautiful and precarious state of being. . . .
Here in the suburbs of New Haven
nature, unrestrained, lops the weaker limbs
of shrubs and trees with a sense of aesthetics
that is practical and sinister. . . .

I am the guest in this house.
On the bedside table Good Housekeeping, and
A Nietzsche Reader. . . . The others are still asleep.
The most painful longing comes over me.
A longing not of the body. . . .

It could be for beauty-
I mean what Keats was panting after,
for which I love and honor him;
it could be for the promises of God,
or for oblivion, nada; or some condition even more
extreme, which I intuit, but can't quite name.

I lose sleep unable to name what's next, and who I will be next.  What's my role in our future?  We'll celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this fall, Brian's ordination to the priesthood, our son's marriage & college graduation, our youngest child's high school graduation -- just to name a few milestones ahead of us in the coming months. I am deeply longing for something I can't quite name.  

While I lose sleep at night, I feebly practice contentment each day. Here's a few snapshots of the past couple of weeks.

| pretty |

estate sale goodness

Can you believe my luck?  I could have purchased several more! I figure if I'm going to paw through some dearly passed lady's stuff, the least I can do is rescue (and read!) her books.   

| happy |

boys' lunch

a day on South Congress with Elayna

Sabbath dinner with our godson Emmett (and his sweet sister, Lucy!)

a trip to NYC with his girls

Brian and his kids this summer

I gathered a few snapshots from a some of the moments Brian got to spend with "his kids" this summer. He is so good at giving them his time and care.  I love this about him.

| funny |

new talent at open mic

Andrew hosts a weekly open mic in Austin.  He had a request for a time slot from one of Austin's newest comics.  Of course we couldn't miss her set!  You can watch it, too, at this link.  (spoiler alert:  She kills it!)

| real(ly?!?)|

our 4th anniversary in Austin

It's hard to believe, but it's true.  August 11th marked our arrival to Austin four years ago.  Here's a reflection I wrote on our one -year anniversary and one I wrote on our two-year anniversary.  Also, I never get tired of reading the posts the whole family pitched in to write back in 2011, during our week trip from upstate NY to our new home: Murphys Take Austin (Tamara-Day 1, Days 2&3,  Days 3&4, Andrew-Saying Goodbye, Brian-Day 5, Kendra-Day 6, Alex-Day 7, Natalie-Settling In onday morning thoughts: dancing bear act, crash helmets and a Doxology

Have you captured any contentment this week? 

 I'd love to hear about it!

| Join in at P,H,F,R to see other wonderful people practicing contentment. |

My father's invitation

I've shared this before, but these are still the best words I know to tell my Dad thank you.  Any honest relationship includes complicated storylines with simple love, and that's true of my Dad and me. There's no one I'd rather have for a father, and I'm proud to be his firstborn daughter. 

Happy Father's Day, Dad.  I love you!

T

My Dad and me, 1972ish

The Invitation

FOR MY DAD ON FATHER'S DAY*

To pull the metal hook from the fish's mouth

my father focused all attention on his catch.

I watched his puckered face and not the fish's.

With only a few finger sweeps , he’d removed

the iron sliver I thought it'd die from.

I can’t remember the words,

but hear the speechless motion, a creak

of row lock, a slap-slap of water beside us.

And I recall his hands,

two knuckled planes, one wedding band's

glint in the sun,

a flame of benediction

he raised above my head.

Had you rowed out with us that morning 

you would have thought you'd seen a man

fishing, a brown-haired girl sprawled across the bow,

book cover shielding the sun's flame.

Had you followed that boat

you would have arrived here,

where I pause at every creekbed.

Look how I search for trout, bass, bullhead

to find the ones that got away.

Watch as I scan every water field for ripples.

I was seven when my father

took me on the St. Lawrence,

and I did not fear the great steamships.

Slamming within their water wake, I did not think

Metal that will bury me,

christen our aluminum rowboat journey,

Poor Fisherman and His Daughter.

And I did not lift my face into the spray and cry,

We're going to be killed!

I did what a child does

when she’s invited into adventure. I leaned into the wind and

I trusted my father.

* ADAPTED FROM A POEM BY LI-YOUNG LEE

St. Lawrence River, 1978

#practiceresurrection2015: something old, something new, something borrowed and something floral

Wild milkweed Laurel Rudd lets grow in her yard to attract monarch butterflies (and bees, apparently), from her 2013 guest post:  Take Up Something New: plant a flower garden

Be a gardener

There is a treasure in the earth

that is a food tasty and pleasing

to the Lord.

Be a gardener.

Dig and ditch,

toil and sweat,

and turn the earth upside down

and seek the deepness

and water the plants in time.

Continue this labor

and make sweet floods to run

and noble and abundant fruits

to spring.

Take this food and drink

and carry it to God

as your true worship.

Julian of Norwich

"There is a treasure in the earth" in Meditations with Julian of Norwich

(via: the daily asterisk*)

I have hit a wall in my life, lost my way, burnt to a crisp the most true parts of myself.  Some of this is a natural result of living in a fallen world that costs lots of money, requiring the "toil and sweat of our brow".  Partly to blame, too, the factors that made me anxious when I was a little girl, old and worried -- using up those fresh, innocent nerves long before their time.  Part of me is still that little girl who didn't know how to say "Stop". When something live and green and fresh springs up in my life now -- free time, for example -- I treat the life like an unknown enemy and stomp it all down with burdens.  

This is where the rest of the blame for my exhaustion is my own damned (and sinful) fault. Burden is more familiar than freedom and unfamiliar feels scary.  So when I find myself living with space and time sometimes I smash it all down with more things to do.  When I find myself feeling light and strong I weigh it all down with calories and sloth so I can get back to the familiar weight of heaviness.  When I laugh too much, an old voice says "You're dropping your guard!  Go back to worry so you can be prepared for danger."  Lightness will get you killed.

Oh, how I need resurrection.  

And so I need Lent to teach me the holiness -- rather than cursedness -- of suffering.  Otherwise my life takes on a pall of self-righteous fatalism.  

But, oh how much more I need Easter to teach me the way of truth:  I shall not die, but I shall live!

To practice resurrection, I've found I must walk faithfully, imperfectly, even occasionally dutifully through the Church Calendar.  I must grow younger through the passing of kairos even as my fallen self ages toward the death of chronos time.  And the truth of it is that even with all the counselling and healing prayer and life-giving confession and forgiveness I've received, none has offered me more life than living in the rhythms of feasting and fasting prescribed by the history of our Church.

How now do I feast?  Certainly, indulgence is not feasting, rather idolatry.  Frenetic worship is not feasting, rather a form of self-comfort.  Blind hope, trust and platitude are not feasting, rather sloth, pride or fear.

How do I practice resurrection?  

The answer I've learned:  one step at a time.

I try to be like the infamous, imperceptive disciples walking toward their Emmaus home, asking questions, following Spirit-infused instincts, hover around life, invite Life to come home and have dinner at my table.  And every once in a while the Spirit of God flutters my almost-dead eyelids and I get an eyeful of the Firstborn of Creation -- our risen Christ.  Right there with me -- eating and drinking and telling stories of life.

I start with the old things:  Scripture, Church, Prayer.  And then visit some new things: poems, music, art.  And mix in generously with daily generative things: walks, conversations, candles, fresh food, flowers, champagne, neighbors, gardens.

In the muddle of my exhausted mind, I'd forgotten what practices strengthen my life and hope muscles.  I actually had to sit down and make a list.  One column these things do not bring me life, the other these things do bring me life.

Near the top of the list?  Flowers.

On Holy Saturday, in silent, but hopeful mourning, I'd filled up a shopping basket with living, growing beauty.  I shuffled them around my house and porch until I was certain each one was placed in the sort of contented arrangement that will ensure a long, healthy life. 

Writing the list helped me remember that I love planting flower gardens!  I've been trying and failing at vegetables.  But one time in my life I planted a flower bed that lived in spite of my bumbling self.  And, so we begin tending our yard again, hoping to bring beauty out of the soon-to-be-scorched Texas earth.

In the meantime, I tend the little plants I welcomed into our home during our Easter vigil.

My poor little office succulents have been suffering and I hadn't even noticed.

And I begin walking neighborhoods, hunting flora and fauna. Thankfully, Texas does spring well and there's a lot to find.  These roses at our church's new home, an old building becoming new.

And I look to you, my friends, to share photo stories of life with me.  Would you join me?  Help me discover the true life found in the wake of the First of Resurrection, our Christ?  Would you even boldly add the most ubiquitous punctuation of our time -- the humble hashtag -- so that we could all share in your moments of feasting?

#practiceresurrection2015

I've begun collecting your photo stories to share in a Monday morning post and would love to include yours!

Three steps to play along:

1. Add something to your day that helps you practice resurrection. (one day or fifty days doesn't matter)
2. Take a picture and write a description in 1-50 words.
3. Share it with me via an email, Facebook or hashtag it on Twitter or Instagram#practiceresurrection2015.  I'll share some of your photo-stories with everyone here each week.

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For more ideas, see the bullet list in the photo in the middle of this post.  I'm grateful to Amy at Splendor in the Ordinary for planting this seed of thought for me way back in 2009.

Now it's your turn. Who wants to join me?

7QT: Lent-ish birthday edition

--- 1 ---

I started the week by turning 44.  I'm pretty much unimpressed with this age and even more unimpressed with my approach to it.  It's been a rough few months -- physically, emotionally, creatively.  I'm feeling pretty surprised to not be actually turning older!  

Brian -- who was sick with a stomach bug and then gave it to me just in time for my birthday -- made it alright with this gorgeous gift.  This sort of gift would never get old.

--- 2 ---

One of my co-workers/friends makes a homemade dessert for each person on our team for a birthday gift.  After a lovely lunch out, I found her in the break room whipping this cream into a perfectly tasty pie topping.  This is another gift that would never grow old.  (Also, it turns out beating stuff in a bowl at work is a great stress reliever.)

--- 3 ---

Speaking of stress relief and work, this guy showed up in our office this week.  He's been named Bob, but seems to have some general confusion about his purpose in life.  I did watch a guy try to take him down one night around 6:30.  

--- 4 ---

I don't think this is what the managers had in mind, bringing Bob into the office, but he did provide me with quite a bit of stress relief, thanks to my witty Facebook friends.  The captions kept on coming...

--- 5 ---

Save for a few sick days here and there, I've been quietly posting each day of Lent.  I've become quite determined to blog the entire church year, starting with the Advent daybook posts in November, through Christmastide and the weeks of Epiphany.  In all the ways I feel overwhelmed in this season of life, the project grounds me somehow.

Lent Daybook series

--- 6 ---

For anyone interested, here's the mere 245 songs I listen to during Lent: 

It's not exactly Lent-ish, and I'm pretty sure my Grandmother would be appalled, but here's my 19-year-old daughter's review:

--- 7 ---

I say my daughter's 19, but I still don't believe it.  Tuesday was her birthday and I spent a considerable amount of time feeling sappy about it.  

Here's the result: 

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y , K E N D R A J E N E E by Slidely Photo Gallery

--- Other good words online this week ---

• The Courage of Men by Suzanne M. Wolfe at Good Letters:  Best I've read yet on this tragic story.

• 1,000 Days by Molly Nicholas at Art House America:  Tender and powerful reflection on the beauty and hardship of international adoption.

• Learning to Read by Kate Harris at Art House America:  Oh, my goodness, I loved this post -- for obvious reasons.  And here's a great companion piece:  Joan Didion's Favorite Books of All Time, in a Handwritten Reading List 

.....

Hoping for a content weekend for us all, friends.

Peace....

*Linking up with other 7 Quick Takers.*

Five Favorites: Paleo recipes my family loves

Five Favorites: Paleo recipes

So you've probably figured out we're not really the crunchy type, but last year our daughter asked us to try a Paleo menu. Thankfully, Emeals started offering Paleo menus right around the same time and we've been surprised how much we enjoy eating this way. We cheat quite often and we almost always take the poor man's way out, but the change in diet has made a major difference in the way we feel -- affecting everything from sinus issues to digestion issues to hormone issues to energy issues. We're really grateful.

Here's 5 of our favorite, easy recipes.

-- 1 --

Pan-Seared Tilapia with a mushroom and leek saute

• Salt and pepper fillets and cook in olive oil for about 8 minutes (turning once)
• Heat olive oil in a pan, saute leeks for about 8 minutes
• Add sliced mushrooms and four garlic cloves (minced)
• Saute until everything is tender
• Add a handful of fresh basil (about 1/2 cup, cut) to the mushroom and leeks, heat through

This is a paleo dish but we add rice.  Also, the original recipe calls for halibut, but tilapia is easier on our budget. Either way it's delicious and simple. We eat this meal a couple of times a month.

-- 2 --

Cilantro Lime Chicken Wings with Avocado Mango Salad: I'm not kidding when I tell you that this makes a fine substitute for Friday night wings & pizza.  I'm not kidding.

2 T olive oil

1/4 cup chopped cilantro

2 T lime zest

1 t kosher salt

1 t black pepper

1 1/2 lbs. chicken drumettes

• Preheat oven to 400 degrees
• Combine oil, cilantro, zest, salt, pepper and chicken in a large bowl, toss to coat.
• Place on a rack on a baking sheet (this is SO important!).
• Bake for 25 minutes, or until chicken is done.

2 large avacados sliced

1 large mango, thinly sliced

5 oz. baby spinach

3 T red wine vinegar

3 T extra virgin olive oil

Salt and pepper to taste

• Combine avacado, mango and spinach in a large bowl.
• Combine vinegar, oil, salt and pepper in a small bowl.
• Pour dressing over salad and toss to coat.
• Serve immediately.

-- 3 --

Paleo Banana Pancakes at The Fat Bald Man: I think it's the coconut flour that makes this a winner for me.  That and melting coconut oil in the pan before adding the pancake batter.  So good with fresh fruit!

-- 4 --

Winter Vegetable Soup

Crock Pot

(3 T olive oil)
3 boneless chicken breasts, cut into bite-sized
    pieces
(Salt and pepper to taste)
4 c peeled & chopped sweet potatoes
2 c chopped red onion
12 c chopped fresh kale, 2 large bunches
32 oz organic chicken broth
13.5 oz can coconut milk
(½ c white wine)
¼ c chopped fresh chives
(2 bay leaves)

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Sprinkle
chicken with salt and pepper. Add chicken to pan, and cook 4
minutes per side, or until browned. Transfer to a slow cooker.
Add potatoes, onion, kale, broth, coconut milk, wine, chives
and bay leaves to slow cooker. Cook on low for 6 hours.

The coconut milk adds a lightly creamy and sweet flavor that we totally enjoy!

-- 5 --

Chocolate chip cookies

We love this recipe using coconut flour.  This is definately a splurge because the ingredients a bit pricey.  Our favorite dessert since changing our diet. 

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Any healthy eating recipes you'd like to share?  
Do tell!

*Linking up with Jenna today