WALKING EPIPHANY in suburban PA: neighborhood notes from Kaley Ehret

Welcome to the second annual WALKING EPIPHANY series of guest posts! I've asked a few friends who live around the world to take a walk through their neighborhoods, and share some of what they see through photos, videos and words. Each one has selected from a variety of thoughtful prompts to consider the ways the Light has moved into their neighborhoods. Will you join us?

Read here for a brief description of the liturgical season of Epiphany. See the 2015 WALKING EPIPHANY posts here. Also, don't miss the opportunity to engage with thought-provoking questions for your own neighborhood, listed at the end of this post.

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The Ehret Family

Telford, PA

Breaking in the patio with neighbor-friends = fun.

A photo posted by Kaley Ehret (@kaleyehret) on Aug 31, 2014 at 7:30pm PDT

First Jam session on the patio.

A photo posted by Kaley Ehret (@kaleyehret) on Jun 19, 2015 at 6:50pm PDT

Prompt: Practice resurrection

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

Wendell Berry"Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front" from The Country of Marriage (1973) 

There's a bit of irony to our post following up Bethany's beautiful post about Community First! Village and the description of her home as "a neighborhood designed in every way to facilitate community with and among its inhabitants, most of whom have endured chronic homelessness for much of their lives." Wes and I moved to the suburbs about 6 years ago after spending the first 7 years of our marriage living in the spacious countryside of upstate NY. 

We've often said that we feel a bit like foreigners to this way of living. In many ways, the suburbs are the opposite of what Bethany described - instead of facilitating community among its inhabitants, the suburbs seem to be designed to protect their homeowners from the inconveniences that community can bring. From automatic garage door openers to the well-built fences to the deserted front porches, it's possible to hide from any type of interactions with a neighbor with very little effort. 

Our first two big projects on our fixer-upper home were intentionally planned to create space for and facilitate community - a finished basement and a backyard patio. In the winter months, we host football parties and enjoy the sounds of generally raucous behavior from our boys playing with their neighbor friends. In the summertime, our patio becomes a hub for parties, cookouts, campfires, and jam sessions while our yard becomes whatever the imaginations of the current group of children playing in it want it to be. 

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Front row seat to the Patio Building Show.

A photo posted by Kaley Ehret (@kaleyehret) on May 24, 2014 at 5:13am PDT

The long awaited first haircut! Yay for friends with quick scissor skills and yummy treats.

A photo posted by Kaley Ehret (@kaleyehret) on Sep 15, 2014 at 11:39am PDT

Why yes I did put the neighbor kid to work pulling weeds. #sorrynotsorry #summer #whoelsewantstocomeover?

A photo posted by Kaley Ehret (@kaleyehret) on Jun 10, 2015 at 11:06am PDT

Prompt: God's household

Life, breath, food, companionship -- every good thing is a gift from the abundant providence of God. The kingdom of God, this great economy, is embodied in the world when God's people respond to God's provision with gratitude, sharing God's gifts generously with others. The word economy reminds us again that creation is God's household; we are tasked with sustaining it and keeping it in the order God intended. It should be a place where all humans and all creatures are loved and honored and where generosity is commonplace.

C. Christopher Smith and John Pattison

Slow Church

Lest I give the suburbs a bad name, they can also be a place of beautiful community if the residents are willing to just step outside. Our neighbors have become some of our dearest friends. When we are together, the laughter and the stories flow. We have been the blessed recipients of our neighbor-friends' generosity on countless occasions in the forms of help offered on house projects, first hair cuts, coffee offerings on a snowy day, dessert drop-offs, last minute babysitting solutions, advice, laughter and the occasional tears. We've sought to provide support for each other after births and deaths and weddings and illness and Hard Days. And yes, we share cups of sugar too.

.....

Last RACK Attack of the week. Free Hot Cocoa stand. Who could say no to free cocoa from these boys? #RACKWEEK

A photo posted by Kaley Ehret (@kaleyehret) on Dec 12, 2015 at 7:58am PST

Prompt: Salt and light 

The way of being salt and light is a role (a part and position) that Christians are called to in the world.  It is a role that requires us to take up a place in our world, at work, at school, and in the neighborhood.  Christians are called to imagine another world, and to do so by living amid the divisiveness, alienation, suffering, and violence, as well as the good things, the loves and hopes of where we live now.... However, we are called to make a home that is not established on our own authority and perfection, but instead is set on the foundation of repentance, forgiveness, mutual care and correction, and reconciliation. 

David Matzko McCarthy

The Good Life

Wes and I often talk about the "Upside-Down Way of Christ". This idea that "the Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood" embodies the significance that Jesus places on presence and community rather than power and distance. Our desire as a family is to create space for what matters to Jesus and to teach our children to do the same. We find that this often looks like putting less emphasis on accomplishing "stuff", and more emphasis on simply being available to people and in tune to the heartbeat of our community. It's counter-intuitive to many of our society's standards for productivity and accomplishment, but we think it's how Jesus lived, so we want to do the same. We don't always get it right, but when we do slow down and purposefully connect, we never regret it.

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Prompt: Liked so much as this place

Ma hummed softly to herself while the iron smoothed all the wrinkles out of the little dresses. All around them, to the very edge of the world, there was nothing but grasses waving in the wind. Far overhead, a few white puffs of cloud sailed in the thin blue air. Laura was very happy. The wind sang a low, rustling song in the grass. Grasshoppers' rasping quivered up from all the immense prairie. A buzzing came faintly from all the trees in the creek bottoms. But all these sounds made a great, warm, happy silence. Laura had never seen a place she liked so much as this place.

Laura Ingalls Wilder  

Little House on the Prairie

We are so grateful for this place we call home and these people we call our neighbors. There is, indeed, no place like home.

.....

Weddings are just a fun reason to make my guys wear ties. They sure do clean up nice.

A photo posted by Kaley Ehret (@kaleyehret) on Jan 3, 2016 at 1:58pm PST

Wes and Kaley have found a home in Telford, PA with their three boys Griffin, Lincoln and Cade. When Wes isn't youth pastoring and Kaley isn't blogging, they spend their days dodging Nerf bullets, trying to make people think they are funny, and discussing the mysteries of life together over Trader Joe's coffee.

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What about your neighborhood?

• Do you live in a neighborhood where neighbors naturally get to know each other?  If so, what are some of the things they do to make that happen?
• Are there any cultural practices in place so that your neighbors are able to get to know each other?  (associations, community centers, annual block parties, newsletters)  
• What are some ways your neighborhood is generous to each other?  Put another way, what are some of ways your neighborhood naturally loves and honors others? 
• In what ways have you been or do you hope to be salt and light in your neighborhood?
• In your own neighborhood, when do you have the sense that you’ve “never seen a place you liked as much as this place”?  What does it sound and look like in those moments?  Where are you walking when you feel this way?

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** Each of guest posts in the WALKING EPIPHANY series selected a few prompts from an overflowing folder of quotations I've saved from the Daily Asterisk.  Thank you,  *culture is not optional for all of your good work. **

7 quick takes from a cozy week in Austin (!) + other good things I found online

--- 1 --- 

Saturday:
We had the house to ourselves this weekend, but Brian had a paper to write. I tried to work on a writing assignment. Also we were really, really tired.  Season Two of The Newsroom is available now to stream.  We watched quite a lot of it, snuggled up on the couch.  It's amazing how comfy this activity can be when you used to have a lot of kids taking up couch space and now you don't.  We laughed at ourselves because The Newsroom is classic Aaron Sorkin-formula -- sometimes almost word for word.  But we love Aaron Sorkin formula and really wouldn't have it any other way.

--- 2 --- 

Sunday:
After some interesting conversations in the office about the problems of Nationalism and what wars are just wars and what is our military responsibility around the world and here at home, I found instruction and encouragement in Sunday's collect:  

O Judge of the nations, we remember before You with grateful hearts the men and women of our country who in the day of decision ventured much for the liberties we now enjoy. Grant that we may not rest until all the people of this land share the benefits of true freedom and gladly accept its disciplines. This we ask in the Name of Jesus Christ our Lord. AMEN

Also, today, I re-posted from 2009 the story of my friend Margaret saying good-bye to her mother.  I never want to forget watching my friend and her father care for her mother during the last days of fighting off cancer.  And I never want to forget the clarity of relationship -- friendship -- that comes in those moments:  Paying Attention (21) - remembering Margaret's mom 

--- 3 --- 

Monday: 
Spent most of my lunch breaks this week finding a quiet place to read this book.  I borrowed it from the library because, you know, that's free.  And it's like a week overdue because I want to read every paragraph twice.  Sorry to any of you who might be on the wait list.  Clearly, I need to go ahead and own this book.

--- 4 --- 

Tuesday: 
Today my daughter sent me this.  She kindly added a note that "almost always" when this happens it's a "good thing".  

source

--- 5 --- 

Wednesday:
More lunch break, more book reading shots.

Caffe' Medici

It's entirely possible I'll be transcribing whole pages of this book into blog posts because I'm that struck by Christian Wiman's writing.  Consider yourselves warned...

--- 6 --- 

Thursday:
This was one of those mornings when I just didn't wanna.  You know what I mean?  And the day ended up being as hard as I imagined.  Just normal hard stuff and then learning about friends and co-workers facing harder than normal stuff and it all kind of piled up into a big wad of sadness that came out as tears down my face.  For quite a long time I sat at my desk, working away, tears just streaming down my face because of the sad things.  I guess that's OK.  I'm also glad none of my co-workers noticed.  Crying helped.  Kind words from kind people helped.  And Thursday night small group (women's night) helped. 

So did a cozy fire and a room full of women talking about both good, hard and funny things.  

Also, today I posted writing inspiration I've been trying lately to paste in my mind: 5 of my favorite quotations on writing: Kenyon, L'Engle, King, O'Connor, Berry

--- 7 --- 

Friday:
It's hard to believe that 2 weeks ago today I was in PA trick-or-treating with my niece and nephews.  And 2 weeks from now we'll be hanging out playing games and making left-over turkey sandwiches.  

Here's a slideshow of my PA/NY trip.  You would rightly gather from this presentation that my trip home was to see nieces & nephews, apples/cider, doughnuts and the rest of my family -- in that order. I've added sappy music because I can't help myself.

Fall trip to Pennsylvania & New York by Slidely Slideshow

--- Other good words online this week ---

Merry Little Christmas Project: 3 Ways to Save Time This Christmas - My sister's got this beautiful plan to make November her season to prepare for Christmas so that the first weeks of December can be set aside for savoring instead of stressing.  This post is one one several great tips she's sharing this month.  Join her Merry Little Christmas Project and make sure you sign up for her Christmas newsletter!  ("one email a day for all the best deals")

Giving each other the space to be authentic by Katie Fox at The Art of Simple:  Wise insight by my friend Katie.  "When I start out a conversation by assuming that someone is “so excited” or “so happy” or so anything at all, I’ve already created a barrier that might prevent him or her from feeling like they can actually be honest with me."

Where Are All the Good Stories About Marriage? by David Taylor at CT:  I had the privilege to read Dr. Taylor's earlier drafts of this piece and was even more impressed with the final draft published at CT this week.  "If a Christian community were willing to invest in those who are called to produce such television and movies, then I believe we might be looking not at the failure of the Christian imagination in the public square, but at the gift of a vision of marital love, in all its complexities and pleasures. God willing, viewers may yearn for much more of where that came from." May it be so.

Sesame Street Week at The A.V. Club - Everyone's favorite children's television show turned 45 this week.  I've had fun reminiscing with the daily columnists at The A.V. Club.  What clips and songs do you remember?

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

God and sisters are not to be ignored, wait to be seen

for my sister Kaley on her birthday

Seeing You

for my sister Kaley on her birthday

I will not 

rationalize --

Love is truth.

Indifference blinds

like a sin. Even

in our close quarters

your closet crib,

I don't remember looking 

in. Your baby days came and went 

the usual number of 

sweet years. The 

days swaying on

the tire swing on the tree 

in the side yard next

to the white and

yellow porch.

Scattered over two acres

the dandelions

we picked for 

Mother's Day, paper

bags full. Scattered over

Dad's bent back, we

three kids on the golden

yellow carpet.

None of us is innocent.

Even a five-year-old bears

the taint of genes,

the tendency to ignore

or neglect. Your cheeks

and nose and mouth

(we shared some of these

in common);

mine are creased now

with tears and time

and sun.

I study your face now

in your sons. It is impossible

to achieve perfect

recollection; let that

be my pardon:

Each photograph, we're wearing
matching Holly Hobbie

bathrobes at Christmas, each 

church duet, cute and

funny story of our

sisterly connection,

puts pieces back in place

and will now not be forgotten.

But, when I

was five and you were none,

I forget.  When I was teened 

and peeved, you were 

lightness and brightness and

ten and kind.

I was blind.

God and sisters

are not to be ignored, wait 
to be seen. Now I look

at you both and remember

what friendship looks like.

*adapted from a poem by Luci Shaw, "Permanent I.D."

Holy Week Lament: Kaley Ehret (Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.)

In this season that I do not have time to write, this is the idea God gave me:  Ponder and notice again the words I've already written once, keep praying the beads of memory to discover this sacramental life.  This Holy Week I'm sharing again the beautiful mourning stories six of my friends generously shared with us last year.  

An introduction to Holy Week Lament:

Jesus gave us a litany of last words as a Sufferer; we refer to them as the Seven Last Words of Christ.  The deathbed words of the Suffering Servant will serve as our framework for the stories of lament we share here this Holy Week.

I count it a high privilege to know -- at least in small part -- the mourning stories of the dear ones who will share here for seven days.  Their lives walk the path between celebration, yes, but also suffering -- illness, relational disillusionment, anxiety, joblessness, death of loved ones, death of dearly-held dreams.  Their stories have helped form me in my understanding of suffering and I believe they could also encourage you too.  

Relatives of shooting victims pray outside the American Civic Association
 on Sunday, April 5, 2009, in Binghamton.photo credit

I chose today's contribution in memory of five Palm Sundays ago when our small hometown turned in all our palm-waving for wailing.  Two days earlier -- in only three minutes time -- a gunman entered Binghamton's immigration center and killed 13 people and then himself.  He killed and wounded fellow immigrants, an English-as-a-second-language teacher, a receptionist.  

Today my mom and sister Alicia teach in that same building, some of the same students evacuated from closet and basement refuges four years ago.  They know the man who covered his wife's body with his own, hoping to save her, and losing her anyway.

visiting my mom's ESL class before we moved from Binghamton to Austin
August 2011

And five years ago another sister wrote words of response to the grief crushing all of us.

I'm sharing today these words from my beautiful sister Kaley Ehret (originally posted, April 9, 2009).

This past summer, I sat in an airplane across the aisle from a woman who was clearly distraught. After spending several minutes wrestling over whether I should speak with her, I finally did. I leaned over the aisle and whispered that I didn't mean to pry, but did she need to talk? 

She smiled grimly through her tears and shared with me that her mother was dying and that she was worried that she wasn't going to get there in time to say good-bye.  

As she opened up to me about her story, the tears began to flow...both hers and mine. As she wept, I wept. Her pain was raw and, in that moment, what I had to offer in response was my grief. The affirmation that what she felt was real and valid, and she was not alone. I wanted to do more, but I had nothing more to give. 

Last night, I attended the prayer vigil in remembrance of the 14 victims of this weekend's massacre. I saw your faces--the faces of the families of the victims. I marveled at the number of different hues of skin, all telling the story of your countries of origin: Haiti, China, Pakistan, Brazil, the Philippines, Vietnam, United States, and Iraq. 

I watched you as you passed by and wished I had something to offer. Although it was only a glimpse, I had the sense that you have felt this kind of pain before. That this kind of horror was much more familiar to many of you than it should be. 

But then, this time you are far from home. I tried to imagine how it must feel to experience such deep loss in a place that is not home. I wondered if you are longing for home now.

And I wept. All I had to offer in that moment was my grief. The affirmation that what you feel is real and valid. And that you are not alone. 

In the middle of the onslaught on Friday, there was a low, long rumble of thunder. Strange for this time of year. But for me, it was a reminder that there is a God who grieves with you as well. He has a Son who has experienced deep agony in a place that is not His home. He is fully acquainted with grief. He affirms that what you feel is real and valid. He has felt it too. 

And although I do not know you, I grieve with you. It is all that I have to offer in this moment. In this place that is not home, may you know that you are not alone. 

Palm Sunday candlelight vigil for the Binghamton shooting vicitms, April 2009
photo credit

A brief epilogue: 

As I think again about the event, think about Kaley's grieving words, imagine the unimaginable suffering of these victims (and so many more like them ) I weep again at the tragedy.  I browse back through the archived photographs and gulp down hostility when I see the photo of the shooter again.  What mania drives a human to destroy another human?

What suffering forces suffering on another?  

Jesus, a suffering human, described the humans killing him with the merciful verdict:  they do not know what they are doing.  He pressed no charges, only asked His Father -- the Judge of all humans -- to forgive them.

When I think of the innocent sufferings four Palm Sunday weekends ago in Binghamton, I think of justice rather than mercy.

But it is mercy that saves us all.



In mourning with the mourners -- both the grieving woman on the airplane and the victims of a man-made tragedy -- Kaley extended mercy, offered salvation.

Father, forgive us for we do not know what we do (and what we leave undone). Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us all.

Hosanna.  Save us now.

Kaley Ehret is my sister 

and my friend.  

She's married to Wes,

 a pastor in the 

Philly suburb of Telford, 

and they have 3 amazing,

 adorable sons. 

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What mourning stories have formed your life
 and your faith in the mercy-giving Jesus?
Tell us about it in the comments below.
If you've written your own post, share the link.