Monday, June 17, 2013

Summer of desperate rest

morning office on our new back patio, overlooking the house of poets living at the end of our driveway

I entered Ordinary Time the same weeks I packed and moved our family for the third time in two years.  In two years' time we've moved across the country, fought to keep our budget alive after my husband's layoff in 2010 and the subsequent expenses of raising four children in the expensive highschool and college years, looked for jobs and found jobs, homeschooled my daughters for our first year in Texas, helped four kids and my husband find the right education pathways, began writing for publication, entered a new state, city, and church community, became confirmed in the Anglican church, had various health problems and a minor surgery which felt anything but  minor during recovery,  led four consecutive sessions of ministry for those who've been relationally and sexually wounded, watched a new, dear friend die from cancer, learned how to relate to family and friends from a long distance and how to make new friends in a new place.

I am exhausted in every way it is possible to be exhausted.

On its own parenting, four kids at desperate, delightful, discovering and demanding ages of 15, 17, 19 and 21 would wear me out.  Add the rest and I'm on the crackling edge of breakdown most of the time.

I am begging God for rest.  He promised it.  He said if I come to Jesus, He will give me rest.  I'm trying to listen for the words I've not heard yet to solve this riddle.

For right now, the only answer I have is to say no unless I know I'm supposed to say yes.

I'm going to say no to almost everything this summer.  Of course, my yes to Brian, my kids, and for now, my job are a given.  Thanks be to God for the grace that makes room for me to say no to so many good things.  

On the blog, I'm thinking that means I'll show up here when it fits into the rest I'm so desperately seeking.  If it crosses your prayerful mind to lift me to the Father, I'd gladly receive your gift of intercession.

You have been dear to me for seven years.  I am blessed to share this space with you.  

May God receive pleasure from my trusting in Him for rest.  May He, through His Son and by His Spirit, make it so.

Peace and grace, dear ones,
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