A Happy GraduBirthday card for my husband

I wrote this poem for my husband two years ago, and, maybe, someday I'll write him a new message for his birthday.  These are still the best words I can summon to say how much I love and respect Brian.  I'd wanted to read the poem at his graduation dinner, but it was a bit too noisy and we were all too happy slathering our brisket with sauce to get teary-eyed -- especially me.  So, here's a delayed "Happy Graduation" message bundled with a "Happy Birthday" post for the man I fell in love with somewhere around my 15th birthday.

Redeemer Seminary - 2015 (missing Rebekah who hadn't yet returned from school)

43 years (now 45)

A poem* for my husband on his birthday

Ninety-two, ninety-three, I most remember   

As the winter a blizzard shut us in and we are   

Broke from a hard two years as newlywed  

Where the meager provision of being   

Student, employee, father for our first born

Son and now another one on the way, we've

Neither a degree nor cash. Dreams die in   

Fatigue and bank accounts give way as you and your    

Muscle and sweat and hope fall in to make   

A loss. We lived in two bedrooms down the   

Hallway from kind friends in their nice  

Neighborhood. Or that has all really   

Happened and we go to Johnson City where,   

Thanks to Rick Jindra and Steve Conroy,   

You get a job cleaning cars at Dependable   

Auto Sales. It’s all a backwards dream, a slog

To get a life and home before the next

Arrival of another son, your dogged days 

Of honor. A church acquaintance  

Has encouraged us that giving when we   

Don't think we have anything to give keeps the   

Scarcity of our mindset overwhelmed by

The bounty. I love the mentors, at least I   

Think I do, in their wisdom, their attempt   

To find ways for us to find a living from the WIC   

Office. Otherwise the early years seem   

Like a country music ballad. A stunned   

Twenty-something man runs from school to work   

And home up three floors of the apartment house on Frederick Street,

Chasing a toddler with the second-born in hot

Pursuit where otherwise you sat up late writing  

Required lines, planning for your next degree  

And child, a daughter. We were waiting to get our   

First salary and listening to the Yankees win the pennant

On the radio. You worked, you dreamed, you wrote the   

Fifty-two pages of your thesis, the new baby  

Arriving near the end. I slept on the couch and  

healed and nursed and cried while you stayed up

Thirty-six hours straight, determined. Then that   

Summer there is the day of the great Teaching Job   

Offer, we move to Conklin -- Richard T. Stank

Middle School. God bless George Schuster  

Down the hall. You read “Goodnight   

Moon” to your children and Teddy Roosevelt

To your students, and Rick Patino for the team.   

Then it’s winter again. My water breaks   

And we head back to Lourde's Hospital   

And we welcome another daughter, and   

Sometime just about then you must have almost   

Seen yourself as others see or saw you,   

people like Dr. Jagger and Scott Gravelding, but could not quite   

Accept either their affirmation

Or their equally anointed naming. Uncertain,   

Afraid, you kept at it. A few years later
Crisis and pain and forgiveness fall in to make   
A calling. You lived into yourself, a man named.   

You are still the father, student, teacher, much the same,
but now also mentor, pastor, friend.
Now you are happier, I think, and older.
Those of us lucky enough to know you say
That we have won the Brian Murphy lottery.

*ADAPTED FROM "YESTERDAYS", 

A POEM BY ROBERT CREELEY

1996
 (Missing Alex who was 2 years old and lost out when we drew straws for the number
of tickets we had and Natalie who wasn't born yet.)

7 quick takes on 7 great links

source

| 1 | This Is What It's Like at Austin Channing 

"Now usually, I would let you post what you want (within reason) in the comments. But you should know that anything that justifies the treatment of this child will be deleted without response. I am not entertaining debates on this one. You will respect the body of this little girl or you will have to go converse elsewhere with someone else. I can't protect her safety in real life, but I will protect it here."

I watched this video on my small phone screen without sound during a layover in the Detroit airport.  Somehow without sound made the whole thing more clear and disturbing.  The physicality of that officer, those kids, the bystanders shout louder than whatever audio I was missing.  I tried to imagine my own body in the chaos.  I hope I would have at the very least sat down on the ground next to one of those kids until their own momma showed up.  I will pray that to be true of my heart. (hat tip to my friend Krista)

| 2 | Is Anglicanism Catholic or Reformed? at Anglican Pastor  

"Most American evangelicals experience a church world that is either protestant/reformed or catholic. You have to be one or the other. For many ‘catholic’ means “Roman Catholic”; ‘reformed’ means “calvinist”; ‘Protestant’ means “Not Roman Catholic.” The Orthodox churches are kind of silently off to the side in most of these schemes. Anglicanism, however, had a unique history that wreaks havoc on these neat labelling systems."  

 I found this brief overview of the relationship Anglicanism has with both Roman Catholicism and Reformed traditions. When I shared the link on Facebook my Roman Catholic friend (rightly) pointed out the absence of King Henry VIII's role in the birth of Anglicanism.  You can read our exchange here.  My friend also mentions several other complicated characteristics of the Anglican communion which we refer to with phrases like "big tent" "via media" and "two integrities".  I've been contemplating adding a few more posts to my On Becoming Anglican series as we draw nearer to Brian's ordination and, perhaps, these idioms will show up here again.

| 3 | {pretty, happy, real weddings} at Like Mother, Like Daughter 

It's wedding season around here for several family and dear friends AND for our son and future daughter-in-law.  This series of posts is full of reasonable and meaningful advice for everyone involved in celebrating a new marriage.  A couple favorites so far:  Timeline of the Indispensable Bridesmaid & How to Get the Wedding Reception You Really Want .

| 4 | 30 Perfectly Timed Photos of Dogs 

Just because these truly are perfectly timed and quite hilarious.  And here's a picture of our scaredy-dog Leopold McGarry, or Leo on most days.  Bonus points to you if you can tell me what character he's named after! (hat tip to my friend Margaret)

| 5 | Works With Soul: Luci Shaw at Ruminate Magazine 

"So, my poetry discipline? Listening, paying attention, getting an arriving poem or image into my journal and onto my computer screen—that’s my discipline. It’s never work. It’s pure delight! I read voraciously and often a word jumps off the page at me, demanding to be used. I’ve written four new poems this week just by catching some images mid-flight and finding the words to fulfill the image, which takes off in unexpected directions. What I write writes me. I scan the morning paper forAssociated Press headlines that ask to be poems—“Comeback for snowy plover.” “New sea star babies offer hope amid mass die-offs.”

If you've visited here much in 9 years I've been blogging you probably figured out I have a poet crush on Luci Shaw.  This interview by Angela Doll Carson captures Ms. Shaw's spirit quite nicely.  I felt like I was visiting with an old friend.


| 6 |  Allison Backous Troy: Livelihood and the path between vocation and work at Duke Divinity's Faith & Leadership blog 

"Work's shadow side is not just about being treated unfairly. It is about having and losing opportunity, about watching ourselves be stretched thin by the clock and the contract's stipulations. It is about doing what keeps our bills paid while waiting for a response to our hundredth job application. It is about what we lose when work that once made us glad is stripped of its vitality. What we lose when work that we love -- and need -- is taken from us."

Allison Backous Troy's insightful review of Nancy Nordenson's Finding Livelihood is the sort of review that makes me want to re-read the book I already enjoyed once.  This is a good review on a subject so familiar to so many of us that I think we forget to hold it up under the light of truth and grace.  

Here's my summary of Nordenson's book:  5 Favorite Reads in May


| 7 | Joy Williams on The Civil Wars and Her New Album, VENUS at Medium 

"How would you describe VENUS? For me, it’s my coming-of-age album, becoming the woman I’ve always wanted to be. I think over the course of the last couple of years making this album, I finally felt that I stepped into my own skin. I’ve spent my whole life trying to be the best version of myself, and I’ve finally let myself just be me."

Such a good interview. I can't stop listening to the singles released from this album. And, you guys, have you LISTENED to this song?  This is the best definition of "woman" I've ever heard.  Yes, yes, yes.

.....

Hoping for a good and content weekend for us all, friends.

Peace....

*Linking up with other 7 Quick Takers.*

What I'm Into: May

Kombucha on tap and Pour-Over coffee at West Oak Coffee Bar | Denton, TX

May is just like a reverse September.  Or is it the other way around since May comes first on the calendar?  

The whole month is spent tying up loose ends and trying not to lose your marbles.  In our little family alone we completed the following things:  full-time job (transitioning to part time hours at the same office), a Masters of Arts & Religion seminary degree, a semester of small group that met in our home, 18 weeks of an intense weekly gathering for healing prayer, a White House internship in D.C., freshman year at University of North Texas, preliminary and semi-final rounds in Funniest Person in Austin competition, and junior year of highschool.  One of us got engaged and one of us got our Red Cross lifeguard re-certification and one of us wore red shoes for Pentecost. Two of us moved back home for the summer and 1 of us began packing to leave for a summer of lifeguarding in upstate NY. We celebrated seminary degrees with BBQ and the engagement with mimosas and Fridays with garden-fresh vegetables.  It's been a very good and very busy month.  We are grateful. 

Here are some other things I've been into lately...

[photo credit]  

I've been trying to remember to record season 3 of Father Brown (based on G.K. Chesterton's detective priest) on Sunday nights.  Mark Williams does a wonderful job being both disheveled and savvy, balancing compassion for all people (even the whos in the whodunnit) as well as a fine sense of justice. We've also been taking advantage of the fine decision Netflix made to stream all 11 seasons of MASH. 

One of my favorite companions to dishes and meal prep comes from a beautiful partnership between The Perennial Plate and PBS:  Victory Garden's Edible Feast

Brian and the kids celebrated the end of the semester at Mad Max:Fury Road.  Then in a splurge of celebration he and I went to see Ex Machina.  Phew, that's some amount of fury right there.  I think summed up, the moral of the combine storylines could be to quit objectifying women if you know what's good for you.  

This year, I'm using a fun challenge checklist with a Facebook group of friends (and sisters!).  You can find the checklist here:  Take Our Ultimate Reading Challenge  If you'd like to join our Reading Challenge 2015 group on Facebook, let me know and I'll send you an invite! 

I listed this months reads in a post:  5 favorite reads in May [from the book pile, 2015] 

June's hope-to-read list: Brooklyn, A Call to Action: Women, Religion, Violence and Power, The Mind of the Maker,  Animal Dreams and re-read Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson (because I find a fine used paperback at Savers).

Audio streaming anything makes the daily mundane of my life better:  albums, playlists, podcasts, sermons, live concerts, your kids saying cute stuff on Facebook. On rare occasions (rarer than I'd like) the sound comes alive in a concert or house show or public reading. Here's some of what I heard and enjoyed in the past few months.

• My Spotify playlist for the weeks of Pentecost: Pentecost
• I also made a playlist of songs that remind me of what my sisters and mom and I have been discussing while reading Surprised by Hope:  Surprised by Hope
• What a delight to discover archived retreat talks on the Laity Lodge website.  I started with David Taylor's talk from last month's retreat for ministers to artists:  The Emotional Life of Art and Artists and have been working my way from there. 
• Home, Josh Garrells
• All Things Considered's Roadtrip Playlist  

CSA from Telecote Farm | I've gushed several times already about this wonderful adventure in Community Supported Agriculture and neighbors sharing vegetables on Fridays. In one month's time we've tried about 7 varieties of vegetables for the first time:  pattypan squash, Lebanese zucchini, cured German red garlic, Swiss chard, fresh fennel, French Sorrel (blushing to confess we've never cooked with some of these ingredients)

Make the Bed Remodel | A My first week transitioning from a forty hour workweek to 20 hours made me feel so full of new life I sprang into spring cleaning.  Well, I least cleaned all of our bedding, air-fluffed our pillows in the dryer, rotated our mattress and took the comforter to the laundromat.  Ahhh....a fresh bed is a beautiful way to celebrate new life.

How to have hanging ferns that are the envy of the neighborhood | I'm on a quest to keep our Boston Fern alive all summer.  It seems the secret lies in repotting the plant into a coir-lined wire basket.  I swear the fern thanked me audibly after giving her a new home.

Fork & Taco on Burnet | We went on a double date with our future daughter-in-law's parents to this new taco joint on Burnet.  YUM!  All four of us everything, and may I suggest you not miss the Mexican Street Corn?

 West Oak Coffee Bar in Denton, TX | A lovely weekend visiting my lovely daughter and this vibey coffee bar with kombucha on tap.  A perfect day.

(top posts in May)

7 quick family update takes |  So many dreams begun, in progress and fulfilled this month.

{pretty, happy, funny, real} Brian graduates edition | What a happy week!

your Practice Resurrection photo stories | One of my favorite blog series ever.  Simple, beautiful, joyous mini-stories of the ways you practice life every day.  Thank you, friends!

16 thoughts for 16 stanzas about practicing resurrection & regretting that hashtag | Holding the Mad Farmer's poetry in one hand and the newspaper in the other.

What were you into in May?

Linking up with Leigh Kramer to share what I’ve been into lately. 

Trinity Sunday: Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory

.....

look

Book of Kells -
Gospel of John,In the beginning was the Word, and in the Word [was with God]
source

.....

read

Isaiah 6:3: And one called to another and said: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory."

{all readings for the day: Isaiah 6:1-8 and Psalm 29  • Romans 8:12-17  • John 3:1-17 }

.....

pray  

Almighty and everlasting God, you have given to us your servants grace, by the confession of a true faith, to acknowledge the glory of the eternal Trinity, and in the power of your divine Majesty to worship the Unity: Keep us steadfast in this faith and worship, and bring us at last to see you in your one and eternal glory, O Father; who with the Son and the Holy Spirit live and reign, one God, for ever and ever. Amen. source

.....

listen

O Splendor of God's Glory Bright
Zac Hicks

buy here

Listen to my Pentecost playlist here

.....

do

Learn to tie a Celtic knot

Learn how to draw a Celtic knot

.....

From the archive:

• Do you know why the Trinity matters in our worship?

• Meditating the Trinity with Rublev & Sufjan Stevens

• Praying with Saint Patrick

5 favorite reads in May [from the book pile: 2015]

Art of Simple Food 

This book didn't make the list only because I skimmed it rather than read it, but it's a favorite for sure!

5 favorite reads in May

-- 1 --

11  Finding Livelihood: A Progress of Work and Leisure by Nancy J. Nordenson (Kalos Press, 2014.)

Reading challenge category*:  a book by a female author

I wanted this book to tell me -- artfully -- what to do when I grow up.  I am in a floundering season and this title looked promising.  Instead Nancy Nordenson validated -- artfully -- the pain of not quite knowing one's own vocation.  And, if suspecting, trudging up hill to make one's livelihood from that vocation.  Each chapter works together, but can also stand alone as an essay, tying together seemingly mundane daily observations into themes of desire, doubt and calling.  Woven throughout are the threads of Nordenson's own story with her husband, a painful struggle with unemployment and underemployment and goodhearted faithfulness.  As a writer who makes a living writing medical reports (her BA is in biology) while simultaneously pursuing her MFA in Creative Writing, Nordenson's prose manages to be both pragmatic and poetic, a tone which I thoroughly enjoyed.  If you prefer linear storytelling or bullet lists of tips, this book is not for you.

I want to write more about this book.  Hold me to it, please?

A couple of excerpts:

" 'And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.' I know this is the bottom line, the question worth the most points on the final vocational exam, yet the corollary questions remain: how, when, and where? The acting and loving and walking can't be in the abstract, but must be anchored in time and place -- moving arms and legs, fingertips and brain. And hopefully a paycheck is earned in the process."   

..... 

"I have been collecting images, lifting layers, switching between depths of field to catch glimpses of what's really going on here. How does work become more than what it is, and how do we become ourselves in the process? How do we find livelihood even as we are making it? How can an individual body of work contribute to a corporate body of work to participate in a universal, eternal, world-without-end body of work?"   

..... 

"Years ago I copied out words from a Lenten book into my journal, 'Pray to remember that upon you rest both the favor of God and the power of the Spirit.' This is how I think of God's grace coming to us. And these words, 'dedicate with faith your personal lifelong pilgrimage -- regardless of how insignificant it may seem to you -- as an important part of God's liberation of the world!' ...I have felt bread on the tongue and water on the flesh, but I crave signs of grace outside the cloister of the sanctuary and so am drawn to a teacher's recent suggestion to try living all of life as a sacrament, as a physical participation in the flow of grace from God to people and among people and back again. ...The surface view of grace isn't synonymous with the good life; history bears that out. Sometimes the favor and power of God, the share in God's liberation of the world looks like sweaty hard work, failed work even. I have to wonder about my willingness to live sacramentally, my willingness to have headaches and high blood pressure, frustration and exhaustion be visible signs of invisible grace as God works in me and through me."  

..... 

"I returned to work begin again. Breath and blood, flesh and brain, heart and bones. The weeks are holy."  

-- 2 --

12  A Book of Common Prayer by Joan Didion

Reading challenge category*:  a book with a love triangle

Full disclosure: I did not really enjoy this book at all.  The murky existential crisis of the wealthy, agnostic and hedonistic characters drove me a bit mad. It's the same reason I quit watching Mad Men.  I only read the book because it included this sort of writing:

"Three or four things I do know about Charlotte.

As a child of comfortable family in the temperate zone she had been as a matter of course provided with clean sheets, orthodontia, lamb chops, living grandparents, attentive godparents, one brother named Dickie, ballet lessons, and casual timely information about menstruation and the care of flat silver, as well as with a small wooden angel, carved in Austria, to sit on her bed table and listen to her prayers. ... "

-- 3 --

13  The Exact Place: A Memoir by Margie L. Haack (Kalos Press, 2012. 223 pages.)

Reading challenge category*:  a book you can finish in a day

What are the chances I read two books from Kalos Press -- a press I've never noticed before -- in the same month?  And in that same month, discover a blogging, Anglican, Binghamton acquaintance is writing a book for the same press?  Just interesting, don't you think?

I've had Margie Haack's memoir on my to-read list since it was first published.  I kept thinking it would be at my library and it never was.  Last week I received a serendipitous Amazon gift card and spent it immediately on this book.  (The other book I purchased was My Bright Abyss by Christian Wiman which I read last fall and wanted desperately to mark up the library's copy with a highlighter and pen.  Now I can!)

The Exact Place was easy to read in one day, not because it was a "page-turner" in the normal sense of that description but because it was so warm and interesting and loveable.  Ms. Haack manages to tell gently and truthfully the story of her childhood both validating pain and embracing sweetness. Also, the setting of northern Minnesota is clear and winsome. The authentic view of farm life made me want to wave the book in front of Wendell Berry's face and say "See!  This is why rural kids leave home!"  Not because I grew up on a farm, but the Mad Farmer makes me feel a bit contrarian.  As I've mentioned before.

-- 4 --

14 An Everlasting Meal: Cooking with Economy and Grace by Tamar Adler (Scribner, NY 2011. 238 pages includes an appendix of recipes)

Reading challenge category*: a book written by an author with your same initials (or, in this case, same first name)

Oh, this book!  I carried it together with my recipe card box around the house with me for weeks. I copied recipes in their traditional form:  

1/4 cup finely chopped onion 

1/8 cup finely chopped carrot 

1 stalk celery, finely chopped and so forth

but also conversational sorts of recipes:

Cook scallions in a very hot, well-oiled pan. Once the bulbs are sweet and tender and their green tops charred, curl them under poached eggs.   

This method of cooking is so foreign to me.  The kind where you look through your cupboard and your fridge and just know what sorts of left-over drizzles and dabs will go together just so to make mouth-watering, clean, comfort food.  As I was reading, I recognized friends and family who have this skill that I do not yet possess, but gosh-darn it plan to figure out before I'm stooped over with a spoon in one hand and cane in the other.

The beauty of this book is the warm prose that combines all my favorite things:  lovely writing, simple instructions, and an expectation for thrift.  Adler tells a story about food preparation that I can imagine myself maybe, just maybe, able to imitate.  

The first chapter is titled "How to Boil Water" and that's all I needed to feel welcome to this table.

"The pot was invented 10,000 years ago, and a simmering one has been a symbol of a well-tended hearth ever since. I don't mean to suggest that now that you have been reminded of the age and gooness of a ot of water, you start boiling everything in you kitchen -- but that instead of trying to figure out what to do about dinner, you put a big pot of water on thes tove, light the burner under it, and only when it's on its way to getting good and hot start looking for things to put in it.
In that act, you will have plopped yourself smack in the middle of cooking a meal. And there you'll be, having retrieved a pot, filled it, and lit a burner, jostled by your own will a few steps farther down the path toward dinner."

-- 5 --

15  Surprised By Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the MIssion of the Church by N.T. Wright (Harper One, 2008. 295 pages)

Reading challenge category*:  a book you started or never finished (more specifically, read but did not read deeply)

This title will end up on my "Life-Changing Books" list, next to The Challenge of Easter.  For some strange reason, in 2009 when I first purchased the book, I got stuck in it for about two years and ended up just browsing through it.  This time around, two of my sisters and my mom and I decided to read together and talk together once a week about what we were learning, wondering and feeling about what -- in some regards -- is a pretty radical re-framing of what we'd come to believe about Heaven and what it means to follow the Resurrected Christ in the here and now.

Our conversations started out a bit jittery as we got to know the former Bishop of Durham's voice, which is occasionally a bit off-putting to the newcomer. 

It takes a lot of courage to reexamine long-held, passionately-held beliefs.  I'm so encouraged by my mom and sisters for their willingness to ask questions whose answers will be mostly wrapped in mystery until the Glorious Day when we are reunited with Christ and living in a new earth where all things have been judged and made right.

Many of our conversations included variations on the question "Since we can't know for sure what it will look like for Jesus to return and what heaven will look like or where our deceased friends and family are right now, does it matter to our everyday lives?"  And with a variety of responses we decided that yes, it does matter.  Not that we can know for sure, but that we can be diligent in understanding and study so that our lives reflect well the hope found in the real-life resurrection power of Christ.  That power that is even now fueling our lives, and through our lives fueling acts of love, hope and justice around us.  To be able to hold onto hope in the tension between fact and mystery is an act of worship.  

Even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus.

Some helpful resources for walking through this book:

• Surprised by Hope Participant's Guide (you can choose just the workbook or a workbook/DVD set.)

• Surprised by Hope section summaries from N.T. Wright on YouTube  (We broke up our reading into 6 sessions based on the video and workbook sections.)

• Since I'm a playlist junkie, I collected songs on Spotify that reminded me of all our reading and conversation:  Surprised by Hope

*This year, I'm using a fun challenge checklist with a Facebook group of friends (and sisters!).  You can find the checklist here:  Take Our Ultimate Reading Challenge  If you'd like to join our Reading Challenge 2015 group on Facebook, let me know and I'll send you an invite! *

Go to my Book Pile page to see my reading lists from 2014 and previous years.

What are you reading right now?

*Linking up with Rachel today